Darktown...What?!

The Darktown Strutters (1975)

Director- William Witney

Starring- Trina Parks, Roger Mosley, Shirley Washington

A female biker gang goes into action when one of their mothers is kidnapped by the nefarious Sky Hog, Col. Sanders-ish ribs king who wants to make his own army of black clones for some purpose or other.

This move is wildly outlandish and cartoony. Unfortunately, it's cheaply made, cheaply edited, and cheaply acted, relying more on cop sight gags and catchy woman power scenes than an actual story. Even for screwball comedy, this movie kind of falls short.

For the first 15 minutes, it is entertaining and strange. For the next 65, boring.

Rating: 1/5 Bonedaddies.

Boy Who Cried Wolf!

The Beast Must Die (1974)
Director- Paul Annett
Starring- Calvin Lockhart, Peter Cushing, Marlene Clark

Eight guests are invited to a rich game hunter's estate only to be told they are suspected of lycanthropy. The hunter, Tom (Lockhart), must use his wits, his superior 1970's technology and his shiny leather clothes to find who is wolfing out.

Despite the superfly dress of Tom, this was a pretty good movie. There was no attempt at utilizing special effects to show a werewolf metamorphosis, just real wolves. There were a few suspenseful moments, and the action scenes ain't half bad. A game comes with the movie so that the watcher can become involved and try to gues who it is while the movie is playing (I did not have the game).

The movie seemed to reveal more about Tom's growing madness than about who was the werewolf up until the end.

Rating: 3/5 Bonedaddies.

Geronimonsters!

Undead or Alive (2007)
Director-Glasgow Phillips
Starring- Chris Kattan, James Denton, Navi Rawat

Elmer (Denton) and Luke (Kattan) escape from jail just in time to escape a zombie curse bestowed upon white men(?) by Geronimo before he died. They don't get very far out of town when they have a run-in with Sue, an indian girl with a big bone to pick with the U.S. Army for killing her uncle--Geronimo.

Problems escalate when A. the Army catches up with Elmer and he finds out they're also zombies, and B. Elmer and Luke are bitten and must figure out how to not become zombies.
I've seen (horribly done) vampire westerns, but never a zombie western. Fortunately, this one was done with humor in mind, and done right at that. I was a little surprised to see Denton take a break from Desperate Housewives for this, but he proved himself a very capable actor opposite Kattan.

Phillips seems to deliberately break some classic cinematic rules in this movie, starting with letting Kattan's dorky sidekick character get it on with Sue, instead of Denton's tall dark stranger character. It also ends on a completely different note from what one might expect, which made this movie a great one to remember. I won't spoil it here, but lets just say that while it's not my "favorite" type of ending, it's definitely a close 2nd. Technically, there are two endings, one of them involving the first zombie seen in the movie. That ending was great, too.

One of my favorite scenes is when Elmer and Sue are having an intense argument over evolution, and Elmer ends the argument by asking her what book she's been reading (this movie takes place just before Origin of Species and the popularity of Darwinism, I assume).

The silliest part? When someone screams "Geronimonster"!

Rating: 4/5

Why Would Young People Be So Violent?

Just for the Hell of It (1968)

Director-Herschell Gordon Lewis

Starring- Ray Sager, Rodney Bedell, Agi Gyenes

Teen gangs run amok in a small town, causing all kinds of havoc and terrorizing civilians. When a former gang member named Doug (Bedell) challenges them, he becomes a target for their mayhem. At first, he gets into a fight one-on-one with them, then he tries to intervene when they are picking on children and is blamed for it. Afterward, the gang rapes and kills his girlfriend, Jeanne (Gyenes).

The acting is terrible--just plain silly most times. The dialogue is little, and the "hooligan" scenes last a little long--we get that their delinquents, we don't need to see the extra ten minutes of footage per scene! The violence is mostly uncensored and at times a little disturbing, like when a couple kids take a toddler and put him in a garbage can (never did find out where the mom and/or dad had been).

Interesting ending here: the good guy gets totally screwed.

Rating: 3/5 Bonedaddies.

Curse of Myth-Believers!

Curse of the Demon (1957)
Director- Jacques Tourneur
Starring- Dana Andrews, Peggy Cummins, Niall MacGinnis

American Psychologist Dr. John Holden (Andrews) journeys to London to debunk the supposed powers of a devil-worshipping cult lead by charismatic Dr. Julian Karswell (MacGinnis). Upon arrival, he learns that his colleague, Professor Harrington, had been killed near Karswell's home. He meets Harrington's niece, Joanna (Cummins), and together they set out to investigate the professor's death.

During their investigation, Holden accidentally comes into possession of a note, upon which is written a curse informing him of his death. He learns that Harrington was also given such a note, just before he died. The only way, apparently, to release himself from the curse was to give it to the one who gave it to him in the first place.

Acting is typical of a 1950's flick; stiff acting from the men, timidity from the women (though Joanna was very pushy and not willing to let her uncle's death go unnoticed by the authorities). The medium was played well enough, and his transition into different personalities looked natural. The hypnotized patient was also exceptionally effective, even if his part was short-lived.

There are a few suspensful moments when Holden is trying to trick Karswell into taking the note--it's actually a little entertaining to watch Karswell's paranoia grow as he refuses Holden's offer to even shake hands.

The demon itself was done surprisingly well for 1950's special effects technology. It's pretty creepy and foreboding. The greatest part of the movie comes close to the end, when Karswell is fleeing the presence of the demon himself, and before we see any horrors, a train comes screaming past, cutting off our view of Karswell.

The only thing that really bothered me about this movie was that Holden was the only rational one there. He conversed with other "professors" about Karswell, and they all tended to agree that there was something supernaturally sinister about him. Men of science should never imply that some things can't be explained.

Rating: 3.5/5 Bonedaddies.

Jersey Devil? Where?

Satan's Playground (2005)
Director- Dante Tomaselli
Starring- Felissa Rose, Irma St. Paule, Christie Sanford

A bickering family finds themselves stranded within the Jersey Pine Barrens on their way to a camp ground. When they can't free themselves, husband Frank (Salvatore Paul Piro) ventures out for help. He happens upon an old house and is greeted by old Ms. Leeds (St. Paule) and her nurse, Judy (Sanford). Frank soon meets the extended family in a horrific manner.

When Frank fails to return, wife Donna (Rose) takes off looking for them. The same fate appears to befall her. One by one, the family disappears into the wilderness, only to stumble upon the same house. Donna escapes and returns the next day with police, but after the initial introduction to Ms. Leeds, more carnage occurs.

The first twenty-or so minutes of this movie were very boring and uneventful. I understand they were trying to establish the "unhappy family trying to have a good vacation" motif, but that became apparent early on, and wasn't necessary to play out for the next eighteen minutes.

The Satanic rituals going on in the backyard of the house were cool, but not elaborated on. I figured they had something to do with the "Jersey Devil" legend, but nothing was really explained about it, and it wasn't really even brought up again after the first occurrence.

The acting was okay--the only noteworthy performance would probably be Christie Sanford, whose creepy nurse came just shy of being over-the-top and Tim Burton-esque.

Despite its negative aspects, it is still a very good example of making a creepy movie on a very small budget.

Rating: 3/5 Bonedaddies.

An Un-Botched Story

Botched (2007)
Director- Kit Ryan
Starring- Stephen Dorff, Jaime Murray, Edward Baker-Duly

Ritchie (Dorff) ends up being blamed for a heist gone wrong. To make things right, his boss, Mr Groznyi (Sean Pertwee), sends him to Russia to steal a priceless antique cross. With the help of two brothers, one of whom is psychotic and the other weak-willed, Ritchie manages to get stuck in an elevator with a small group of people on the 13th floor of th building. When they do get out of the elevator, their hostage situation takes turns for the worse when a maniac makes his presence known. The burden falls on Ritchie to find the cross (and figure out why his boss would want it so badly) and get out with all his parts.

I intentionally left out some key details here, no spoilers allowed in this particular review. Why? Because I actually thoroughly enjoyed it, and there are other parts to the plot that make themselves revealed further in the movie. It's the type of movie that's best left for the viewer to figure out for themselves.

Dorff delivers his lines with the deliberate grace of Kiefer Sutherland. Much of the humor is deadpan, which makes it funnier given the horror the characters face. The acting from the others is a tad overdone, but this is okay, given the fanaticism revealed down the line.

The music is the most entertaining part. Hearing the Red Elvises made me nearly jump out of my seat with excitement (I'm a fan)! It also at times takes a hilarious turn to the 1980's, broadening already eccentric horizons. It was very imaginative and well-put-together.

Rating: 4/5 Bonedaddies.

But I'm Filled With Innuendo!

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)
Director- Jamie Babbit
Starring- Natasha Lyonne, Michelle Williams, Ru Paul

High school cheerleader Megan (Lyonne) is sent to a homosexual "rehabilitation" camp after her parents suspect her of being gay. Within the camp she meets and interacts with characters representing different stereotypes of homosexuality, which include even the counselors.

She also learns about gender roles in American society and where her place is apparently supposed to be within them. The girls all have to wear pink, the boys blue. The girls have to learn to cook and take care of babies, the boys have to play football and hunt.

When the rehabilitants are instructed to buddy up for some of the exercises, Megan is paired up with Kimberly (Williams), a not-quite-goth with an attitude. The attraction is quick but subtle, but the more Megan tries to focus on rehabilitating her sexuality, the more she finds herself thinking about Kimberly.

One night the rehabilitants, with the aide of two older ex-rehabilitants, escape from the camp and spend the evening at a gay club. After a close dance and a forbidden kiss, Megan runs off, confused about her feelings.

There were some cookie-cutter plot points in this movie, but they were worked out pretty smoothly and one event flowed into another as we saw more into the personalities behind the stereotypes. The family life and biases are also revealed when the parents of the campers come to visit.

The sexual innuendo wasn't by any means restricted to Freudian humor within the lines spoken by the characters, it was also vry visual, from the tight jean shorts worn by some of the counselors to the phallic imagery visible...well, everywhere in the film.

Natasha Lyonne, as usual, takes on a difficult part and runs screaming with it. The result is great acting and convincing emotions. She also has the abililty to take something like masturbation out of the hands of a female porn star and make it (without showing detail, of course) look believable and human.

It's a little disappointing that it turns out to be just another teen love story (thoug one with a slight twist), but not surprising. At least the acting was well-done and the symbolic cinematography was excellent.

Rating: 3/5 Bonedaddies